Getting ready to leave I have been bombarded with a million and one thoughts, emotions, questions, fears, and doubts. Having transitioned out of both of my jobs I have now been blessed/cursed with some time to ruminate on them, those who know me will agree that idle time is not a good thing for me. I will attempt to describe some of what I've been going through in the next few blog posts.
The question that confuses me most but seems to confuse others equally as much is "why are you doing this?" The answer to this question lies within a journey that started many years ago, a journey that has fundamenatly changed my entire world view and what place I hold within it.
What seems like another lifetime ago I lived a life of selfish consumption. I had no concept of caring for others. I remember my parent's asking me "Do you think the world revolves around you?" I would immediately think "Well, yes!" I couldn't comprehend why it wouldn't. I constantly sought what I could wrest from of life taking from others, basking in the unnatural light of my own perceived glory.
I was driven by character defects, chief amongst those being pride and greed. Blazing through people's lives like an all consuming wildfire leaving nothing but burnt bridges and ruined relationships in my wake.
This all changed when my mother passed away about 5 years ago after a 2 years battle with cancer. I had hit bottom with no friends, no where to turn, and worst of all no hope. I did something I had never done before, I reached out for help, I fearfully hit my knees and for the first time in my life I asked for God to come into my life. Funny thing I learned about that, when asked he comes, and hang on for the ride!
The next few years of my life I struggled just to climb out of the deep emotional, monetary, and relational hole I had been digging for the previous 20 some odd years. The fog of my mind slowly cleared and I began to build a working and conscious relationship with God. I thought I had ruined my professional life and was resigned to working manual labor until a boss at the time at a construction project advised me I needed to finish college.
I learned of Belmont University's Adult degree program where I could earn my full BBA and their admittance criteria was based on other factors besides previous school's gpa, a stellar 1.67 from the University of Arizona. On a hope and a prayer Belmont accepted my application and at the same time I began shaping my life according to spiritual principles and ideals.
I knew I had been given a second chance and this newfound relationship with God required of me to become obedient to his will rather than my own. I settled on an overarching principle from which I would shape my life, to be of maximum service to God and my fellow man. But what exactly does that entail? What is maximum service mean? What is God's idea of maximum? How could i be of service? Further thought on these questions in combination with constant work on my character defects led me to consider turning these traits to the good by putting to use the business skills i was acquiring. Focusing on international economics, poverty issues began to greatly intrigue me. Here was an area where I could turn my intense desire for wealth creation into a powerful force to radically change the lives of many for the good. It became the primary focus of my studies in and outside of the classroom.
More to come later....
